The Regular Guy and Nonlinear Progress

I'm just a regular guy. A regular highly competitive emotionally driven guy. And as I'm writing this blog, I am finally realizing that our extraordinary dreams progress nonlinearly (meaning the road to the top is not a straight line.) This is a big challenge for us regular guys. Do you have the mental stamina to make it through nonlinearities (ups and downs)? How do you stay focused and committed to the impossible goals? Most people give up before the rewards. But why?


We struggle with nonlinearities because our brains prefer to think in linear terms. For instance, if you train everyday, then you expect to get faster in proportion to the number of hours you put in. "But reality rarely gives us the privilege of positive progression." Often we train very hard for weeks, months, and years and may only see incremental improvement, if any. But then if you are not disheartened and continue to persist, suddenly you'll reach that tipping point, your payday. Malcolm Gladwell's ketchup bottle story simply summarizes the fundamental nonlinearity of everyday life: We tap the bottom end of a ketchup bottle, and nothing happens, we tap and tap..."None will come and then the lot'll." Just like in life, you try, and try, and try some more, and nothing happens. But if you don't become demoralized, and truly persist, then maybe you might be lucky enough to cash in!

But most people can't see it through the end (what ever the end maybe). I think the way our minds are wired makes a big difference. Some can handle nonlinearities better than others. There is a neural and success correlation.

A little more dope please? When failure presents itself we get less doped. I mean our dopamine system drops if our expectations are not met. Our pleasure brain system is somewhat like the stock market. It monitors how we do relative to the expectations. If we don't meet 'market' expectation then our brain produces less of the pleasure neurotransmitters and you end up feeling down. And it's even worse when you succeed early then the expectations become larger - (phenom challenge). The paradox of success is that it takes more and more success to fuel the brain and the inverse is true, failure is exacerbated. "Our minds are like inmates, captive to our biology, unless we manage a cunning escape."

I know of a friend who accomplished a lot in cycling in such a short period. She started racing after doing the Aids Ride and quickly got hooked. She upgraded to a Cat2 in less than 2 yrs. And for a while it seemed that success was linear. Then she got an expensive coach, made the commitment to train harder and longer, and made the necessary financial and personal sacrifices with the belief that if she puts in the work then she would be rewarded with a proportionate amount of results. Unfortunately, success maybe more opaque than we think it is. We know what we put in: hard work with our eyes firmly focused on our powermeters. But what comes out is not always clearly evident sensational success. After 2 years of spinning her wheels, frustrated, and demoralized, she quit racing altogether. It's a shame because I think she could have eventually achieved her goal. But like many of us, who've tasted defeat once too often, it becomes increasingly difficult to stay on course.

According to researchers who study hedonic happiness. "Making $1M one year, but nothing in the preceding nine, does not bring the same pleasures as having the total evenly distributed over the same period, that is, $100,000 every year for ten years in a row. The same applies to the inverse order - making a bundle the first year, then nothing for the remaining period. Somehow, your pleasure systems will be saturated rather quickly, and it will not carry forward the hedonic balance like a sum on a tax return. As a matter of fact, your happiness depends more on the number of instances of positive feelings than on their intensity when they hit. "

In other words, you need small wins consistently. But how do you achieve this when the path to the extraordinary is nonlinear? What do you suggest? I've thought about this a lot and read a lot on neuroscience ,psychology, and philosophy.

"When the little guy doesn't know he's the little guy, he can do great things." Unfortunately, the brain is not fooled too easily. Nonetheless, I believe that a regular guy can achieve great things if he can have the right mental model to deal with nonlinearities. I'm in the process of writing a book and I want to hear your stories of nonlinear progression and how you dealt with the ups and downs as you continue to chase your dreams. Email me at stevepelaez@gmail.com THANKS!

"Maybe this is the END?"

That's what Mark, my mechanic friend, said to me immediately after I finished the scratch race in Denmark, where I suffered just to finish with a fever. Mark had me cracking up with this comment. And I needed it. It's a play on a previous quote, "Everything works out in the end. If it doesn't, you're just not at the end yet."

I asked Mark, "Why can't I just catch a break?" He said, "Maybe just being here is your break." He's right on both accounts. This is the end of my professional cyclist lifestyle, and this entire experience has been a break from reality. I've been living in a dream.

My 2 brains, the emotional and the rational, offer two different perspectives on the whole experience. Emotionally, it's sad and frustrating that it's all over and I didn't achieve my goal, however improbable. I desperately want another shot at goal. But, my rational mind can create a positive spin and see the silver lining.

I'm proud to have represented the the 87 million Filipinos against the best in the world. I was racing against the best professionals who are younger and faster than me and have been training full time and competing at the world class level for many years. My expectations were obviously unrealistic.

Actually, my coach Vlad keeps reminding me that I did great for a first timer and it's not possible to make the leap to the podium in the first year (unless you're a phenom like Phinney - a proof of genetics). So I asked him why the heck he didn't tell me this in the beginning. He just smiled back. BTW, my coach is an Olympic gold medalist and world champion and it took him 10 years of focused, relentless training to succeed at the World Cup level.

I guess it didn't matter what the odds were. I was still going to try. Logically, I knew I had no shot in hell. But emotionally, I wanted to stomp the competition and make it to Beijing. This delusion may have been partly due to watching Rocky I & II, one too many times. Anyhow, I know I'm just wired differently. I'm highly competitve and a dreamer. And so being a long shot are good odds. But the epistemic truth is that progress takes time. Progress is nonlinear. But my emotional brain wanted to believe in the improbable and linear causality. I.E that if I put in all this hard work and sacrifice, then I would be rewarded with an Olympic spot. In fact, getting to the Olympics is even more complicated that I had ever imagined. There are all these rules that limit the number of participants. Only the top 8 in the pts. race can go since the UCI gives priority to riders from the Top 8 Madison teams. It's a ridiculous, unfair system. It's not like the Jamaican bob sled days when every country could just go to the Olympics. It's now such a commercialized event that the entries are limited. I don't think there is an ASIAN country going for the pts. race - unbelievable.

My friend Robin told me that, "Life is lived forward and understood backwards." That's been the case with this entire experience. I was so caught up with the intensity and focus of the training, travel, and racing of the World Cup events that I may not have enjoyed the moments as they actually happened. But retrospectively, as I recall them, I have nothing but fun memories of the cool places I've raced and the great people I've met. And most of all, I'm proud that I was able to make a difference in the lives of impoverished children in the Philippines by raising money for the PCFA charity. If you haven't yet done so, please consider donating to: www.firstgiving.com/2008olympics . Thank you for reading and your support! You've made this a truly meaningful experience.

World Cup Denmark Point Race - DNS

I did not start the points race today because I am sick as a dog. I think I probably caught the virus before the flight since my daughter was sick. And despite popping airborne pills like candy, my body finally gave in. I am filled with all these mixed emotions - sadness, anger, dissapointment, frustration. It is very difficult to remain positive, but I'm trying to be optimistic and hope that miraculously I will be better for tomorrow's scratch race.

"Everything works out in the end, if it doesn't, then you're just not at the end yet."
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Giving Credit

The other day my little boy, Payton got a stool, lifted the toilet seat, and on his own, peed standing up for the first-time. Afterwards he said, "Daddy, you're the one who showed me how to pee standing up. Thanks." I'm glad I can be the one to teach him this. Anyhow, my point is that Payton has always been good at giving credit. So I thought I'd do the same.

I want to give credit to my Russian coaches, Dmitri and Vlad, for helping me tremendously during these past few months. Of note, Vlad is an Olympic Gold medalist and World Champion cyclist. They've kicked my lazy ass into shape. They've motorpaced me even in the freezing cold. They prescribe lung searing workouts. They help me stay focused and positive. And they make me laugh. Like when I thought I was overtraining, he told me to check my pulse rate while lying in bed when I first wake up in the morning. Then standup and then check my pulse rate again. If the diffrence is greater than 20 then I'm overtrained. And he warns me in his strongest Russian accent, "You must not have sex before standing up. Steve, I serious now. Young man like you feel very strong in the morning and like having sex. OK! I serious."

Another time, I hurt my back and could barely get on the bike. And my coach showed up with a Russian ointment and asked me, "Are you man or are you woman? If you man, you can take this ointment, if you woman, you cannot." Of course, I told them, "I man." 10 minutes later after rubbing in the ointment, my back started to feel like it was on fire. A minute more, my back felt like someone was pouring hot tar. Soon enough, I screamed, "I woman, I woman." My coaches started frantically yelling at each other in Russian. One ran to the car while the other searched for something in his desk. Soon they found what they were looking for, canola oil. It diffused the chemical explosion in my back. They told me that even though my back looked like a 3rd degree burn, it's really not. It's just blood rushing to the skin. Funny stuff like that keeps the training entertaining. But it is also back breaking work. It has to be since I'm competing against the best in the world while playing catchup with my fitness and experience. It's like cramming overnight for the boards.

It's been fun. And I wouldn't have made it this far without their help. Thank you Dmitri and Vlad.

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Peak Experience

"Are you breathing just a little and calling it a life?"

The best moment that I will always remember from this past weekend was the tremendous amount of support and well wishes I received from friends, hellyerites, and the Filipino community. It reaffirms why I enjoy track - it's a close community. The race announcer called out my name 3x before the race because of the loud cheers from the peanut gallery. He even wondered outloud why I got the loudest cheers. He should have known that it was Steve Pelaez Day.

I really had a good feeling at the start of the race. Because the previous day, the announcer asked me to listen to their copy of the Philippine national anthem to make sure it sounded ok. They only play the national anthem if you win, so I figured that he might know something I didn't. It turns out he didn't. Steve Pelaez day ended a bit prematurely after a flurry of attacks.

I tried my best but I couldn't go any faster. I felt like my heart was going to explode, and my legs felt like lead. My coach says I didn't race smartly since I was the one closing gaps and attacking. What was I thinking? The problem is it's hard to think when everything is happening so fast. Should I go with that move, swing up now, close that gap, go faster, etc? It's called race smarts, which to me is nothing more than pattern recognition.

A race has a rhythm and those with experience can often see how the race will unfold. Since racing at this level is still new to me, I thought I'd just follow a favorite. I chose to stick to Jerome Neuville of France, '06 World Champ. He was clearly a favorite to advance to the finals in my heat. The problem with this tactic was that he could attack multiple times and keep going. Meanwhile, after a few attacks, I faded.

Know thy self is one of the most important principles in life. A Japanese proverb says that the mirror is the most important possession since it helps you see yourself. Shakespeare says, "To thy own self be true." In cycling, it's just as important to know your strengths and weaknesses. Race your strength(s). I should have known better. But it's easy to forget the basics. After the race, I was talking to cycling coach legend EddieB about training/racing. He said that cycling is pretty simple. We just make it more complicated when we are unsure of things. I agree. And right now getting to the finals is a complicated affair. I'm running out of time. There's only one more race left - Denmark. Will it all finally come together there?

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UCI World Cup LA - Ready or not?

All systems are checked and clear for takeoff. We'll let's hope I fly on the bike this time around. It's been a month since my last competition in Thailand so we'll have to see. But, I've trained very hard, and kept clear of viruses, so far. This is a victory in and of itself, when you have preschooler kids.

So am I ready? This was the question Jenna asked me the other day. I thought about it and said, "Well, a lot of riders have been competiting at 6 day races in Canada, Germany, etc. But me, I've been training on my rollers in the attic. Yeah, I think I'm ready." We cracked up at the absurdity of the situation.

It's been cold and rainy in SF for the past few weeks, so I've had to train indoors in my attic, where there's the only TV in the house. There were days when I just couldn't motivate myself to ride for 3+ hrs. on the rollers. It really sucked. Everything goes numb, especially, well you know where if you ride. But my awesome super cool wife would not let me slack off. She would say, "You can always take the bus downtown." Implying I can always get a job instead. Considering this alternative, I quickly kitted up and hightailed up the stairs to the attic and looked forward to some hard roller training sessions. Like anything else in life, it's how you perceive things that matters. Nothing is what it is except what you think it to be.

And honestly, after a while I enjoyed the solitary workouts in the attic. I had to do a lot of speed endurance work (at 95% of max heartrate) and it was difficult to get going for the first few reps. When my HR is at 180 bpm, I feel like I'm dying with a sock in my mouth. That's when I would hear these voices in my head, that are in dolby surround sound quality yelling, "Stop, you're f@+** killing me, STOP now."

Sometimes, I can't help but think what a sick sport cycling is. We suffer a lot so that we can suffer even more. Interestingly though, after a while the pain becomes enjoyable. But only if there is purpose in the suffering. And it's the imagination of this purpose that helps me push through the pain. When everything hurts and I feel like I can't do it, I close my eyes and imagine sharing my Olympic dreams with my family, friends, and the charity I'm supporting with this quest. The clarity of this imagination helps me break through. I realize it's a very long shot, but imagination has no limits. In my mind there are endless possibilities. I've done the hard work and I believe I'm ready. Now, we'll see how it goes in LA.

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Photo: SEA Games Thailand - Opening Ceremonies